OMG! I can't believe I am becoming such a slut. Well, not really. Not technically. Relatively, anyway.
This weekend, my roommate's cousin Yna invited us to her 18th birthday in Pampanga... I don't feel like getting into the details - let's get onto the highlights.
Iah's kid brother Kevin is just too cute – certified BILF. Brother I’d Like to Fuck. I wish I’d made out with him already – there were just too many people. I guess the superego was still at work. I’d like some piece of that candyass. If only it were normal in our culture (or should I hope, normal for me?).
What happened Saturday night? Well… let me recount. First, as the party was getting started, Iah, Toff, Jack, Kevin, and I were drinking on the sidewalk across the villa. We were just hanging and I was making my moves on the kid brother. Shit. You know, the usual listening intently and touching the leg. He was playing along and touching my legs too – sort of the way Joe used too when he was around. (He's in California now) In this case, there was just one big fast forward.
Damn, he could really play the guitar. And I was so insecure the whole time too because he probably had a crush on May too – just like everyone else. Thank God she wasn't there. Dammit. She only has lighter skin. We practically have the same attitude and I’m supposed to have an edge. But no, the whiter one always wins.
Then we ran out of Island Punch (gin pineapple and gin pommelo) so we went back in and hung out in our room. I was lying down in the middle of the bed with Jack and Kevin on either side of me and Toff and Iah were near the foot of the bed. I was facing the headboard while the two guys were leaning against it. I love the feel of hands on me – anything touching me. Really, I don’t mind. Kev would lean his head on my knees while he was talking – very intimate. Give meaning to it if you want too; all I know is we were just having fun. We went to Strumms and walked around Fountains at night. I walked with Kev and Jack; mostly with Kev. We almost jumped into the filthy pond but I backed out. I would have grinded with him if we actually got to dance. But no. We decided to come back to the club around 2 in the morning so that there would be more people. So we went back to our room and hung out and sang. Around 1 AM, we decided to go back to the club – Jack, Kev, and I. There was this other place called Smirks but they had a P130 entrance fee with just one drink and with only 2 hours left till closing time. All we’d do was watch some gay guy trip on the poor audience. No thanks.
We headed back again and decided we’d just drink again. We found one last bottle of gin pommelo with the label already off from the moisture. We got back to our place and started playing Pass the Ice. Say what?! Yeah, Pass the Ice. No way. Yes way. Kev and I would have done it even if we weren’t drunk. Being drunk just gave us an excuse to act liberally.
I just offered. I told Kev that I’d pass it to him if he’d pass it to Jack hahahahahahha, naahhh… Jack had me pass it to him first – boring! Then I was thinking twice about giving it to Kev since he is a kid, you know. (third year high school, i'm a college sophomore like his sister) Then he pulled me to him – he actually put his hand on the back of my head and pulled me to him as if we really were going to kiss. I passed it to him and forth; we really were French kissing. That was my first (technically)!
We went back to our room and Kev was telling his sister about our game. He looked so cute as if he had such fun hahahaha if he only knew how I felt. Damn, it felt good. Hot. He’d make a fine make out boy toy.
We could have Frenched if I let him; he wanted to. It’s just that Iah was there and the superego started to work again. Shit.
I have no regrets. Does he? I don’t much care for Jack anyway.
On the ride back to Iah and Kevin's place, we all rode in the back of the pickup truck, a red sort-of-Campbell. Iah told his brother to hold me and he probably didn’t know where to. "Where do you want me to hold (touch) you?" "Where you can." “On... on..." Something like... “Your nose!” Hahahahahha he had his hands all over my legs and my back. Shit. He had a good time off me... which is cool. I had fun off him, too. Good enough for me.
I moved to lean against the back of the truck so I was facing the back and my back was to the front – right? I was probably still a little tipsy.
Oh yeah, rewind! While Jack, Kev, and I were drinking, we got to talking about the Blowjob drink. And I can’t remember exactly how we got to the part where Kev stood up and started undoing his belt. Sorry, I don't know how to… do minors. Hehehehe if only you were three years older, I’d have jumped you right then and there.
Anyway, back to the truck. He really had to go pee and he kept saying it – and so did I! I didn’t need to hear him because I was having a hard enough time holding it as it is. At one point, he actually spread my legs and was going to position himself between me. Geez. I kidded him – what are we supposed to do now? You gotta pee, I gotta pee… haha why don't we just pee on each other wahahahahahahahahaha
Shit. Did he feel uncomfortable with me the morning after? Didn't seem like it. We're both cool with it, right? I mean, all we did was pass some ice - we didn't have sex, although I wish we'd gone as far as maybe second base!
We actually slept beside each other on the cot – sort of. I shared the blanket with him – slept like a baby. He didn’t give me a pillow though – hmph.
Now I’m thinking maybe we should have spent the first night in their place too. What more could have happened, right? Nah, I’m happy with the impression I made on him. Was I easy? A little – I’m a cool fun girl! Up for anything. What can you expect from college girls, right?
Lucky kid. He’s already kissed this cool college girl with nice boobies. He could have gotten more if he asked for it nicely. Could he? We’ll never know…
That doesn’t really count as a first kiss. But if you want to go to technicalities, yeah, I guess. Now, what I need is a make-out buddy; someone who could teach me; someone I could practice with. Just kissing and necking – so it’s cool. Wala nang ilang-ilangan.
I hope I could meet someone who’d take me seriously. Once you decide you want me and show it to me – you’ll most likely get me, all of me. I fall so easily.
I still feel giddy from all that. I wish life could just stay like this. No worries. Let’s all just hang out, make sweet love, drink alcohol, and be merry. We don’t need to get married.
I decided that night that I really don’t need a commitment. I don’t think I’m ready to make one anyway. Maybe I’ll change my mind when someone comes along but in the meantime, I won’t be looking for “THE ONE”. I’ll just be keeping my cool and continually lessening the hold of my superego.
The reason I can be such a prude is because of my parents. They don’t want me to have a boyfriend or even go out. I don’t think they’d even let me with a boy ever in this lifetime. So let’s compromise.
I won’t go steady with anyone. But let me have my fun, please. I’m so dry, so tigang already. Almost 19 years on this earth and still not feeling “full”, if you know what I mean. Geez… this is so hard. I need some lovin’. I can't believe I'll be a friggin' virgin (oxymoron?) till my wedding night, when I'm 28.
What if I just go out and do it? Will I feel complete then?
I don’t think so. I’ll just be asking for more so that isn’t the answer.
May is right. I should try having a serious relationship first.
But while that isn’t happening, let me have my fun. It’s all I have amidst schoolwork and family blues.
I’m becoming so irresponsible, such a wayward – shit.
Shit.
Me – irresponsible?
Non-satiated…
